It's Wednesday Again!

Since I totally skipped last week - no "Wonderful Wednesday", "Terrific Thursday", or even "Fantastic Friday" - I decided I'd better post two accomplishments about each of my Aspie boys.

Even as I write this, Big Guy is watching the new Harry Potter movie with a bunch of members from the debate team. Big Guy is such a homebody, that it's definitely cause for celebration when he decides to be social, especially in such a large group setting. The second piece of news I'd like to share about Big Guy happened only yesterday. I was extremely busy around the house, and Little Guy was overdue for a diaper change (I believe the diaper was almost to his knees - yikes!). Big Guy noticed this, and without being asked, went ahead and changed Little Guy's diaper. Big Guy is often off in his own world, and seldom recognizes ways he can help around the house - this was a really big deal. I greatly appreciated this gesture, and I made sure to give Big Guy a special thanks.

Little Guy did extremely well with the occupational therapist during yesterday's home visit . We worked with his eating skills, the goal being to help Little Guy learn to eat a wider variety of food (other than junk food, I can count between two hands the foods I know he will eat). The therapist tried to get Little Guy to eat speghettios. Although Little Guy didn't put the food in his mouth, the therapist said he showed a "textbook" means of moving through the necessary stages of tolerating a new food. First, Little Guy allowed the bowl to be scooted nearer to him. Next, he looked at the "circles" in the bowl. A short while later, he used his spoon to move the food from his bowl onto the table in front of him. After a little coaxing, Little Guy actually began touching some of the pasta with his fingertip, then ended the session by using his entire hand like a "bulldozer" to push the speghettios back into the bowl. Who knew eating could be such a complicated process? Tomorrow, I am going to offer some speghettios again to Little Guy with the hope of having him manipulate the food nearer to his face. Who knows, maybe we'll get really lucky and he'll actually EAT some :)

Another great thing concerning Little Guy happened just today. I had taken the Middle and Little Guys to a nearby creek to cool off. Little Guy and myself were just hanging out on the shore watching Middle Guy, when Little Guy suddenly turned to me and said without prompting, "I love you, Momma."

I love you too, Little Guy.

Guilt

I know it's been a week since you last heard from me.

It's not that we haven't had anything blog worthy happening....it's just that I've been so *darn busy. (*Just thought I'd slip in Little Guy's new favorite word!)

The guilt I'm feeling is not caused by my blogging hiatus (okay, maybe just a little of it is), but rather from the extended time I've spent away from home for most of the summer.

Let me clarify. I've been IN TOWN, but just not at home as much as I usually am. And what is the reason, you ask? Middle Guy and I were cast in a community theater production and have been crazy busy with rehearsals and performances. The past few weeks have been especially stressful, with five hour rehearsals six days a week.

It's been hard. As a SAHM, I salute the many mothers out there who balance a full time job with responsibilities at home. However, this project has provided me with a much needed creative outlet, and more importantly, has allowed me to spend some one-on-one time with Middle Guy.

However, things are starting to fall apart with Little Guy. He has largely handled this disruption of schedule very admirably, but the past few days we've seen some regression in his regulation and behavior. I feel terrible, but what can I do? I was definitely overdue for some "me" time; the last time I did anything like this was four years ago, before I became pregnant with Little Guy. I also feel that our middle children often get the short end of the stick when it comes to getting attention from Mom because they don't have special needs. Does spending extra time with them come at the cost of the progress we've made, especially with Little Guy?

Needless to say, the past few days have been quite difficult for me as I try to juggle the needs of various family members while maintaining my sanity. I know there's not an easy solution for this situation, but I'm doing the best I can.

Managing Meltdowns

Meltdowns are a familiar word to parents and caregivers of children with autism and autism spectrum disorders. They are similar to tantrums, but are usually more intense and often have a longer duration. Some causes of meltdowns are due to sensory issues, others can be caused by a disruption in routine and the ensuing anxiety this produces.

Meltdowns are a part of our everyday life with Little Guy. On a good day, he may only have a handful. On a bad day, between one and two dozen. As a result, I've tried several methods to see what works best for Little Guy in these situations. Here are a few things that seem to help calm him and bring a measure of peace back into the house:

COUNTING Little Guy loves numbers and enjoys counting things. If he is having a hard time transitioning between activities, counting often helps to calm and prepare him for what's coming next.

STAYING CALM I find that if I can keep it together and speak in a soft voice, it often helps Little Guy to calm down sooner. This can be very hard as the day wears on and you're over 10 meltdowns, but it's so worth the effort!

DISTRACTION I find this works better in the early stages as the meltdown is just beginning.

GIVING OPTIONS Having a sense of control is so vital to these kids, especially the ones who experience high anxiety. This is especially helpful in situations where the overall decision cannot be compromised. An example of this might be the need to run some important errands, and the child must accompany you. Obviously, they have no choice whether or not they want to get into the car, but you could say, "Would you like to walk to the car, or should I carry you?" That way, they are given a sense of control over the situation. Once in the car, you could carry it further by saying, "We need to go to the store and the bank. Where should we go first?" This approach really helps Little Guy manage his anxiety over changes in our schedule.

VALIDATING/LABELING THEIR EMOTIONS It's okay to feel upset, overwhelmed, or frustrated; we all feel that way occasionally. Saying phrases like "I can see you're upset that you can't get the toy to work the way you wanted" helps these kids to begin realizing what it is that's making them feel disregulated. It also helps them to begin recognizing different emotions by putting a name (mad, sad, upset, scared) to what they are feeling.

RECOGNIZING THE EARLY SIGNS We are sometimes able to head off a meltdown before it begins by reading Little Guys "cues". These can include physical agitation, facial expressions, aggressive behavior, and changes in vocal inflection. By intervening when we first see Little Guy headed for a meltdown, we can often soften it or stop him from having one altogether.

Each child is different; these are the steps that seem to help our son. If you are having a problem with meltdowns, I suggest you try many options and find what works best for your child.

Wednesday Again

It's Wednesday.

At least for another half hour, that is.

Time for another installment of "Wonderful Wednesday"....and I have some great news to share about my Aspie sons.

Little Guy turns three just before Thanksgiving, at which time he will age out of the Early Intervention program we currently have services with. At that time, it will be determined whether or not he qualifies for services with the school district in a preschool environment. We had our first transition meeting yesterday, where basically all I had to do was show up and sign some paperwork which will allow the district to assess Little Guy as we draw nearer to his birthday. In the course of talking with the program's director, I learned that her prior job was acting as principal for a school for kids with Asperger's Syndrome in a nearby state. It really helped ease some of my concerns as I realized that the person who will be determining my son's eligibility is extremely knowledgeable about his diagnosis. The coordinator also informed me that the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome was recently added by the state to the qualifying list for this preschool program. This was another piece of great news!
Big Guy finally earned his Eagle Scout award!! It became official a few days ago; we're going to have his court of honor as soon as the paperwork goes through (we were told anywhere between 2-4 months). We've really tried to stress what a huge accomplishment this is to Big Guy, as so few scouts go on to earn this prestigious award. It will also look good on resumes for school and employment.

I hope each of you have something special to celebrate today!

A Child's Work

There's a saying that play is a child's form of work.

In other words, play is the catalyst a child uses to develop many of the skills they need as they learn and grow. Here is a good example:
In this photo, Little Guy is imitating Middle Guy as he vacuums the floor. Obviously, Little Guy is only pretending to vacuum, but someday it will translate into the real thing as he models the basic skills.

Play is the natural way that young children learn, and this is the basis of the behavioral program we use with Little Guy - the P.L.A.Y Project, developed by Dr. Greenspan. The basic idea is to use the non-threatening element of play to address issues and develop problem-solving skills. It's also a great way to build the relationship between child and caregiver!

Although exhausting at times, the effort has been well worth it as we're seeing increased eye contact with Little Guy, as well as prolonged engagement. In our case, play is a parent's "work" as well....but one that I do willingly :)

That Kind of Day

I had all sorts of grand plans for a really cute, informative post today.

You know what they say about the best laid plans.

Especially when it's been THIS kind of day:

Let's just say we've discovered what kind of routine Little Guy does NOT take well to (Mom being gone for several hours, no nap, severe constipation, outside swim meet in 106 degree weather).

It was sooo much fun.

Bedtime didn't come soon enough!

Hooray for Wednesday

I can't believe how quickly Wednesdays seem to roll around.

And Tuesdays, and Sundays, and Fridays....it's amazing how time zips by as I grow older.

But, I'm straying off the subject; Wednesdays are the days I get to exert my "bragging rights" about my oldest and youngest child.

Drum roll, please.

BIG GUY totally threw me for a loop when he announced that he was going in for a haircut. Some of you might have remembered an earlier post about Big Guy's unwillingness to cut his hair, let alone spend money for it. For him to schedule his own appointment and pay for it himself was a HUGE step. The only thing that had me worried was that he told me the hairstyle was going to be a big "surprise". I wondered if he was going to come home with a mohawk or something, but this is what I saw when he proudly walked through the door this morning:
A totally acceptable buzz cut.

I managed to hide my sigh of relief.

LITTLE GUY seems to be adjusting to the new summer schedule and is having fewer meltdowns. His big accomplishment of the week is an added increase to his vocabulary. Little Guy has been using impressive words like "fantastic" and "delicious" in context, and even pointed out a "geyser" when he saw a high-spraying fountain at a splash pad! I'm still wondering where he picked up that word.

Here's hoping that you can also celebrate a wonderful Wednesday - or Thursday, as I'm posting this rather late at night :)

Stay Tuned

Those of you who read my blog often are probably familiar with the types of photos I post.....photos that reveal only part of the subject's face.

Like this one, taken of Little Guy:

While I'm not a professional photographer by any means, I do know how to take a decent picture. I choose cropping and angles which deliberately obscure part of the subject's face.

And why would I do that? It's not because our family is horribly disfigured or anything, or that I'm embarrassed about having two kids with Asperger's Syndrome.

No, not at all.

It's just that I'm an extremely PRIVATE person. When it comes to personal matters, I am very reserved.

Yet I strongly feel that my family's experiences and the information I learn about Autism Spectrum Disorders need to be shared with others who find themselves in a similar situation. I decided the best way to solve my conundrum was to preserve a measure of anonymity - hence the incomplete or faceless pictures.

To give you an idea of how private I have kept this blog from those around me, even my husband doesn't know of its existence. I have given this web address to a couple of Little Guy's therapists to share with other ASD families and have personally invited a few of my friends who also have a child with ASD to view this blog, but that's about it. Somehow, I find it easier to share my innermost feelings on this subject with the protection of being an anonymous entity to most of my readers. It might not make much sense, but it's what works for me. Maybe it's some type of therapy :)

Will I ever tell my husband about the existence of this blog? Definitely. However, now is not the right time. Will I ever reveal my identity and post "normal" pictures of our family? Probably. (I'm already having a hard time not showing you Little Guy's features...he is sooo cute!) Again, the timing is not right.

I guess you'll just have to stay tuned!

Let Freedom Ring

Tomorrow is Independence day, a time for many to celebrate their freedom. However, there is a member of our household who is seeking some additional freedom of his own.

Big Guy turned 18 last week.


This huge transition from minor to adult can be a tricky one for any adolescent, but I'm especially concerned about how this is going to affect my Aspie son. You see, Big Guy is experiencing the overwhelming desire for independence that most teens his age feel, but the harsh reality is that he still lacks many of the necessary skills to be on his own right now.

Part of the reason Big Guy is farther from this goal than we'd like him to be is his late diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. Although we sensed that Big Guy's behavior was "different" from about the age of three years, we struggled for a long time to get the correct diagnosis. In second grade, he was labeled with ADD based on behavior observed during the course of an IQ test - but this diagnosis never seemed quite right. It just didn't encompass all of his symptoms.

By the beginning of high school, we'd scrapped the medication Big Guy had been taking for his "ADD" and I began to do some extensive research of my own. It soon became apparent that many of Big Guy's behaviors were consistent with Asperger's Syndrome. We met with several pediatric developmental specialists who agreed with my suspicions, and Big Guy finally received the official diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome just before his 17th birthday.

Although it was a huge relief to finally have the right diagnosis, I felt that we missed out on a crucial period of time - time we could have used to specifically address the issues many Aspie's face as they struggle to become independent. Big Guy is fully capable of living on his own at some point, but unfortunately, that time isn't quite here yet. However, we've come up with a plan to help him prepare for this eventuality.

We are extremely lucky that Big Guy enjoys academics and is planning to go to a local college while living at home. Starting this month, he will begin to pay us a SMALL amount of rent. This will hopefully help him become used to setting aside "living" money each month. Big Guy will also begin to do his own laundry. It may take a few lessons, but again, this is something that he is capable of doing. Big Guy is also going to be responsible for purchasing part of his food each month, as well as helping to prepare a meal once a week.

We feel like these changes are a great place to begin shaping the skills Big Guy will need to make it on his own, and they are definitely ones we can build on as these skills grow and develop. Our goal is to help Big Guy gain his dream of independence and find his own niche in this world.

Why Wednesdays are Wonderful

Wednesdays are wonderful down our way.

This is the day I've chosen to specifically concentrate on the positive events which have taken place during the week.

It's amazing how the hard times don't seem quite as bad when you focus on the good things that are going on in your life.

Anyway, here's what's been happening on the home front with the Big and Little Guys:

Big Guy went on a group date last Saturday! If you've read my previous posts, dating is something that Big Guy does very little of and is often intimidated by. He actually took the daughter of one of my good friends, who apparently is quite shy. Big Guy typically doesn't say much either, so I guess it's a good thing that there were other kids there to help carry the conversation :) My friend's oldest son was with the group and he's also an Aspie. Many people with Asperger's Syndrome have interests they literally become obsessed with, and apparently this boy's obsession is the Constitution; Big Guy said that's all he would talk about during the entire evening. But overall, I got the impression that Big Guy had a good time.

Little Guy is certainly giving us a run for our money....but I won't elaborate now as the purpose of my Wednesday postings is to focus on positive events. Actually, Little Guy has been doing something rather exciting and enjoyable this week - he's started to become more physically demonstrative with his affection. This is something many ASD kids struggle with, and Little Guy certainly has never been a "cuddly" or "snuggly" baby. He'll allow us to hold him briefly ON HIS TERMS, but that's about it. However, I've noticed that Little Guy has been spontaneously throwing his arms around my legs and giving them a quick hug, and he has actually climbed onto my lap ON HIS OWN a couple of times this week while we've watched TV together.

These rare demonstrations of affection are certainly enough to "get us through" another week :)